A Never Ending Story
by Ambraya
Summary: Very sad! Main character death


Main character death. Beware! It's sad but I think you would like it, especially the ending.

A Never Ending Story

Kathryn had heard the rumors. At first she thought they were just that. But, then she began seeing them together more and more. She tried to be happy for Chakotay, but it still hurt. They had made no promises to each other.

On New Earth, they had a sexual relationship the last three nights, but once they returned, she had refused as much as she loved him. At first, he was angry, but he said he understood, Over time they got their friendship back. A part of her had hoped that he would move on, but a part of her wanted him to wait. She knew it was selfish. But, she loved him so much!

Her problem with him being with Seven is that he didn't realize how immature Seven actually was. She was still a young teenager in a woman's body. She knew better than to tell him that. He would only say she was jealous. And, she knew, she was jealous of what she assumed he had with Seven. She had to let him go. She had to be happy for him. Still she cried herself to sleep every night.

Her relationship deteriorated with Seven as well. Seven would say nasty things to Kathryn. She had told Kathryn that Chakotay said he wanted someone young and attractive, not someone worn out like the Captain. Seven had never lied before, so Kathryn assumed he had indeed said it.

Tension between the command team was running high. She spent as little time as possible on the bridge with him.

One day she had gone to the Astrometics Lab for some information. Seven was the only one in there. Seven confronted her saying that Kathryn was overworking Chakotay so much that he never had much time left for Seven. She also told Kathryn that they were expecting a baby.

Kathryn made it out of Astrometrics and back to her quarters. Throwing herself on her bed, she cried herself to sleep. She knew the one thing that Chakotay wanted in life was a baby. Now he would have one, and her dream of having his baby had been shattered.

She began working extra hours giving Chakotay more time to be with Seven. At the same time, Chakotay was more and more worried that Kathryn was working way too much. She was losing weight, and she certainly didn't look well.

Several weeks later, they found an uninhabited planet where they could at least take some shore leave. Kathryn decided to land the ship, so that they could check out the hull as well as take the shore leave they so badly needed.

Looking around the area, Kathryn had commented to Chakotay, "It looks like New Earth!"

"Hopefully, no monkey!" he said as they laughed together. Seven just glared at the two of them wondering what that was all about.

Their last day there, the senior staff had gathered around in a circle talking when all of a sudden before them appeared a group of aliens with their weapons drawn.

Kathryn stepped forward. "What do you want?"

They looked around almost unsure of what they were even doing there.

Suddenly Seven made a move. The leader of the group raised his weapon towards Seven. Kathryn jumped in front of Seven, taking the blast from the weapon fully in the chest. She sank slowly to the ground.

In an instance the aliens were gone. Chakotay ran over to Kathryn and picked her up. She was still alive but barely. He managed to get her to sickbay.

As soon as the EMH looked at her, he didn't think she'd make it.

She was calling for Chakotay. He went over and held her hand.

"Why, Kathryn, why?"

She whispered loud enough for Chakotay and Tom to hear, "For you, Chakotay for you."

"Me?"

"Yes, you love Seven so much. And, she told me she's pregnant with your child. I know how much you want a child. I couldn't let them kill the love of your life and your baby. I love you. I have from the beginning. I only want your happiness." She slowly closed her eyes.

The doctor leaned over her, "Computer record time of death for Captain Kathryn Kiernan Janeway at 1152 on this day."

The senior staff stood in shock. All of a sudden it registered with Chakotay exactly what Kathryn had said.

He turned to Seven, "You lied to her. Why, Seven, why? I have never touched you nor would I ever. I was only trying to help you, with your humanity, as you and the doctor requested. Nothing more. You knew I loved Kathryn ! What were you going to tell her later about the baby? That you miscarried it?"

Seven didn't answer. Instead she simply turned and walked out of sickbay.

"Tuvok can you make an announcement to the crew. I want to bury Kathryn here. I saw a spot earlier that I think she would have loved." He was having a hard time talking.

"Yes, Commander, I'll make the announcement. And, you show Paris where you want the grave. He can see to its being dug."

The following morning, the entire crew, except for Seven, gathered around the grave site. It was near the bank of a river and was under a huge oak - type tree. The sitting was beautiful. It was a warm, sunny day. Birds were chirping and there was a smell of flowers in the air.

Chakotay spoke with tears in his eyes, Tuvok and Tom also spoke. Harry played his clarinet softly. Soon, Kathryn was laid to rest on an un-named planet, which the senior staff would always call Kathryn's Planet. The night before, Chakotay had carved a headstone out of granite. It was put at the head of the grave.

As soon as the funeral was over, the crew began to slowly move back into the ship. Tuvok and Chakotay were the last to leave.

Chakotay turned to Tuvok, "In the past, Kathryn had often come to you for your advice and counsel. I hope that I can do the same. My goal was Kathryn's goal - to get the crew home."

"I will help in anyway I can. You are now Captain of Voyager."

"I need you as First Officer, Tuvok. And, I think we should move up Alaya to your position."

"Yes, he'd be a good choice."

"Kathryn would have approved," he looked sadly at Tuvok, "I hope that I can make her proud of me."

"I know that you go on vision quests, Captain. Perhaps soon you can take one. It might settle your mind."

"I will in a couple of days. I also need to pack away Kathryn's things. When we get home, her family might want them."

"Shall we head in, Captain?"

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a couple of minutes."

He watched Tuvok return to the ship. Kneeling at Kathryn's grave, he prayed. Then he began to talk to her, "I promise, Kathryn, I'll get them home. I'll never forget you. I'll never love anyone the way I love you! I hope you are at peace now, my love!" Tears fell down his cheeks.

Finally, he stood and walked toward the ship wiping his tears away. He couldn't look back. He didn't dare. Walking onto the bridge, he sat down in Kathryn's chair, "Paris, take us up!"

The good ship, Voyager, continued its journey onward to the Alpha Quadrant. The entire crew found out about the lies that Seven had told Captain Janeway. None would have anything to do with her. Those who worked under her in Astrometrics hated working there. And, they gave her a hard time. Behind her back they called her, "Captain Murder". Of course, with her excellent hearing, she knew what they were saying.

Three days later, Chakotay entered Kathryn's quarters. He looked around trying to decide where to begin. He had brought some packing containers. He decided to do the bedroom and her bathroom first. As he entered, he saw on her nightstand a picture of them which they had taken on New Earth. He caressed it lovingly as he put it in the box. He then packed her medicine bundle. Her toiletries went next. Then her clothes. He recycled her uniforms and her bedding. One of the bottles of perfume he put into his pocket. There wasn't much left as it was the one she used most often. He needed something of hers.

Under her pillow, he found an old shirt of his. He remembered looking for it after they returned from New Earth. He thought he had left it on the planet. And, here she had it all this time. He realized what it meant that she had it under her pillow.

Finally he went into the living area. He packed her books and some paintings she had done. He kept one of the paintings. It was of their shelter on New Earth. There was a couple of vases she was fond of. He thought her mom might want them.

When he went to her desk, he found her sketch book. Looking through it, he saw many sketches of him. He never realized she had sketched them. Several had New Earth in the background. He laughed when he saw a sketch of that damn monkey!

He found an old fashioned thick spiral notebook. Glancing through it, he realized it was a hand written diary of sorts. Looking at the first entry, he realized it was the day, they first met. He kept it aside with the sketch book. He'd read it later.

Finally everything was packed. It hadn't taken long as anyone on a ship doesn't have a lot. He'd have Ayala move the packing containers down to storage. Taking the notebook, the perfume, his shirt, the painting and the spiral notebook, he went to his quarters. Laying them on his desk, he left to go back to the bridge.

By all rights, he should have moved into Kathryn's quarters, but he couldn't bring himself to do it. They belonged to her, and they always would.

Time seemed to pass slowly for the crew. They all missed Captain Janeway, most of all the senior staff. She had always been a force to behold.

After several nights of restless sleep, Chakotay decided to go on a vision quest. Perhaps it would settle his mind. He got out his medicine bundle and spread out the items that he had stored inside. Then, he put his hand on the akoona. He had barely started, when he found himself standing on New Earth. Looking around, he saw her kneeling by her beloved tomato plants. He walked quietly over to her.

Without turning around, she said, "The tomatoes will soon be ready to eat, Chakotay."

"You've done a good job, Kathryn."

She could hear the sadness in his voice. She stood and held out her hand. "Come with me, we'll go sit on our rock."

She led him over to the river. In the middle was a huge rock where they often sat. There were smaller stones leading up to the rock. Carefully, they went from stone to stone to the huge rock and sat on it as they had done so many evenings before.

The sun was beginning to set. "You'll do a good job bringing them home, Chakotay. And, you will get there; it won't be long."

"I hope so, Kathryn. We have a great crew. They deserve to be home and happy."

"You have to be there for them even after you get back home."

"I will be. I promise."

"Chakotay, I want you to find someone who loves you for you and that you can love fully. I'd like to know you're happy with a mate and children."

"I'm not sure I could ever find anyone like that. I'll always love you, Kathryn. I can't just quit."

"Perhaps over time."

"I'd like to stay here with you forever."

"I know. And, someday, you may. Ours is a never ending story, Chakotay. And, so far, we've only seen a small part of it. It's time for you to go. I want you to promise me something."

"What?"

"Read my notebook, the one on your nightstand. It might help you to understand."

"I will. I love you, Kathryn. I have for years."

"I love you too, Chakotay. I have for years."

Slowly she began to fade away. Soon, Chakotay found himself back on the floor of his quarters. He put away his medicine bundle after packing it carefully.

Later, he got ready for bed. Laying in bed, he picked up the notebook and began to read:

**Stardate 48315.6 Today we made an enemy, but we gained a ship full of friends - the Maquis. They're the group Voyager was sent to capture. The Maquis Captain Chakotay is very handsome. My god! When he and two others beamed over to my ship, I wanted him to take me right there in front of the crew. Any notion of Mark flew right out the window. Chakotay is a man, not like so many others who think they're men. I know I'll like working with him. I just wish there could be more. **

**Stardate 48439.7 Today I appointed Belanna Torres, Chief Engineer. Chakotay and I fought about it. I wanted Joe Carey. He accused me of not giving the Maquis a fair chance and told me that Belanna was a better choice. He was right. I need to learn to listen to him more often. I get goose bumps when I talk to him. He's so damn sexy! And, he's highly intelligent. He also makes me laugh. I like that in a man. He makes me feel like a woman. I could so easily fall in love with this man. I sit next to him on the bridge, wondering how his hands would feel on my body, how warm his kisses would be. Sometimes I have to leave the bridge and go to my ready room. There, I can relieve myself of my needs. I pretend I'm with him. I cry out his name as I come. If only…..**

Chakotay sat in shock. He hadn't realized back then that she cared. Remembering back at the beginning, he knew he'd loved her as well all this time. He could have kicked himself for not making a move for her long ago. They could have had all those years!

He flipped through to the back of the book. He knew that over time, he'd read it all. He had promised her that

He began to read the last entry:

**Stardate 54868.6**

**Today we left Neelix on a planet of Talaxians. He had fallen in love. I'm so happy for him. He's been so alone since Kes left us. I know I'm going to miss him. I could always talk to him. I hope here on out he has a happy life filled with love.**

**I also found out that Chakotay is seeing Seven. She came to me and told me that he said he needed someone like her that was young and vibrant. He didn't need or want someone old and dried up like me. She asked me to leave him alone as she was pregnant and they wanted to marry. After she left, I cried for hours. I only hope she can make him happy. He deserves happiness. I just wish that I could have been the one to make him happy. I will do nothing to hurt their relationship. He'll never know the depth of my love for him. Oh God! I love him so very much!**

He sat there even more furious with Seven than ever. He sat there for a long time just thinking about Kathryn. Finally, he drifted off to sleep, but even his dreams were about her.

A month and a half later, they were home. All the Maquis and Equinox people were pardoned. The whole crew was asked to stay in Starfleet if they wanted. They were given a three month vacation to think about what they wanted. Chakotay certainly needed the time to think about it.

A couple of weeks after they arrived home, he took Kathryn's belongings and transported to the Janeway home in Indiana. Owen Paris had given him the coordinates to the transporter pad in the Janeway den. He had also contacted Gretchen to let her know Chakotay was coming.

As soon as Chakotay materialized on the transporter pad, he saw Gretchen and Phoebe. He would have known them anywhere. Phoebe looked just like Kathryn. And, both Phoebe and Kathryn looked like Gretchen.

Putting down the containers, he stepped off the pad and took Gretchen in his arms. She was crying and so was he. Phoebe tried to put her arms around both. They knew that Kathryn had loved him, and they were sure from his actions, that Chakotay loved Kathryn.

Finally, they went into the kitchen and sat at the table. They offered him tea as Kathryn had once told them he didn't drink coffee.

"She didn't have much on board. I'm sure you know all about space on a ship. I tried to pack them as carefully as I could."

"I'm sure you did," Gretchen reached out her hand and put it on top of Chakotay's which was laying on the table.

"We were so close to home that day. We were on a beautiful planet, which reminded Kathryn and I of a planet we once spent some time on."

"New Earth?"

"Yes, New Earth," He was surprised they knew about New Earth. "Suddenly, a group of Aliens came out of nowhere. Kathryn was shot. As suddenly as they came, they disappeared. We buried her there. I think she would have like it."

"I think so too. After we had more regular contact with Voyager, Kathryn told us a lot about you. She loved you very much, Chakotay."

"I loved her too. I wanted to marry her. She wanted to wait until we got home. She was convinced that we'd make it home. She was right about that!"

They continued talking for several hours.

"I need to go. I have some other people I have to go visit. Families" They knew he meant the families of those that didn't make it home.

"We understand. You're welcome here anytime. In fact, I hope you do return. There are more things that I'd like to know about Kathryn and also about you." He made a promise to return often, which he did over the years.

He finally grinned that deep dimpled grin that Kathryn loved so well. Gretchen saw the dimples. _Exactly the way Kathryn described his grin and dimples. No wonder she had a hard time keeping her hands off him! I would have grabbed him and pulled him onto the nearest bed long ago!_

When Chakotay returned to Starfleet, it was as a Captain. He took a ship into deep space on a three year mission. He kept hoping that a mission would come along for a ship to go back into the Delta Quadrant.

Often when he had a dilemma, he'd go on a vision quest and talk things over with Kathryn. Throughout the years, she could see the changes in him. His latest vision quest, his hair was completely white, his tattoo had faded and he had begun to stoop ever so slightly. Kathryn always remained the same, the way she had looked on New Earth when they were left there for three months.

One day about a year before he was to retire, Owen Paris called him into his office.

"Chakotay, we want you to take a research ship back into the Delta Quadrant. We've determined that the wormhole you took getting back is still there. It will be a three year mission. Would you like the job?"

"Yes, I would. Could I pick my crew?"

"I thought you'd say that. Yes, you may. But, you need to hurry. We want the ship to get underway within two months. It'll be ready to go by then."

"What ship will I be taking?"

"A new ship, just finished. It's the USS Janeway." He smiled as he said it, remembering the day Katie Janeway had come into his office asking him to be her sponsor so many years ago.

"I'd be honored to command the Janeway, Sir."

When the old Voyager crew found out about the Janeway and Chakotay, most signed up. Belanna would be in engineering, Tom as pilot, Alaya at tactical, and even Harry at Opps. Just like old times.

The trip went smooth. They stopped at several planets and gathered much info as well as excellent maps. After several months, they had their most important stop to make. Their next stop would be at the planet the senior staff had long ago named Kathryn's Planet.

Finally arriving, he had Paris set the ship down after scanning carefully for aliens. He certainly didn't want any surprises this time.

As the crew moved off the ship, they saw Chakotay ahead of them. He was headed for Kathryn's grave. He saw the headstone that he had carved. Kneeling beside the grave, he spoke softly to her, "I didn't think I'd make it back here, Kathryn. I had hoped I could stay in Starfleet long enough to be given this opportunity. I had almost given up." In his hand he had a bouquet of peace roses in a vase. He put the vase firmly on the ground. He lowered his head in prayer.

The crew had stopped further back watching him. But, they didn't move closer. They knew that he needed time alone. Their time would come later.

Finally everyone returned to the ship. The next morning they worked on mapping the planet. The chef made a big dinner for all of them which they ate outside on picnic tables.

The following morning, Chakotay didn't appear outside the ship at the appointed time. Belanna was concerned. She went to his quarters but they were empty. She asked the computer for his location. The computer responded that the Captain was not aboard the ship.

She had a strange feeling that she knew where he was. She left the ship immediately and motioned for Tom to come with her. Together they walked toward Kathryn's grave. They saw him lying next to it, covered with a blanket. When they got to him, they realized he'd been dead for some time.

Belanna began crying. Tom took her in his arms, "Don't cry Belanna. He's right where he's always wanted to be, at her side. I think he was just waiting and praying for this chance."

Late that afternoon, they buried him next to Kathryn.

**Later:**

Chakotay looked around calling, "Kathryn, where are you?"

She came from around the side of the shelter. Smiling she walked up to him. He was no longer white haired. He was the young Chakotay that he had been on New Earth so many years ago.

He took her in his arms and kissed her passionately, "I'm here to stay, my Kathryn."

"I know. I love you so much, Chakotay." taking his hand, she said, "Walk with me Chakotay. We now have an eternity together. This is our time, our never ending story."

Turning, they headed toward the river.

The End


End file.
